tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post7516402786682150463..comments2023-04-27T07:55:06.203-05:00Comments on Shattered into one piece: HugsShatteredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-61930122736634354302010-03-21T20:59:00.113-05:002010-03-21T20:59:00.113-05:00Shattered, thank you for sharing this article. I ...Shattered, thank you for sharing this article. I always told myself that I knew that my mother loved me. I really didn't know that. I was lying to myself but it was a necessary lie to help me survive the incest. My dad was the perpretator. I needed one of my parents to be the safe parent. I elected my mother to be that safe parent in my world. She really wasn't safe either but I needed the lie that said she was.Patricia Singletonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14114250171020836470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-35300348042563756392009-12-07T16:39:21.927-06:002009-12-07T16:39:21.927-06:00Friko, you are right... it does have to be me to d...Friko, you are right... it does have to be me to do the work. Sometimes that is promising; other times it is downright frightening. I do hope that someday I am able to say that my mother did what she could. I'm not there yet but maybe someday...<br /><br />I especially needed to hear your last words today. Today is not a day where I feel like much of someone or anyone for that matter. Thank you for the encouragement.Shatteredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-64161694639450550872009-12-07T14:29:44.558-06:002009-12-07T14:29:44.558-06:00Once again I am moved by your writing. It is so go...Once again I am moved by your writing. It is so good that you have found acceptance through it with people who mean you well and are willing to listen and help you on your way. But you know, it has to be you who does all the work.<br />One of these days you may be able to say "she knew no better" or "she did what she could, it just wasn't very good".<br /><br />One other phrase of yours struck me:<br /><br />I am somebody's wife, I am somebody's mother, I am somebody's daughter.....<br /><br />yes, you are all those people but far more than that YOU ARE SOMEBODY, you are you, unique, a person in your own right. If ever you will truly accept that then your day will have come.<br /><br />It will, you are on your way!Frikohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04277167831642088694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-5207042564195859082009-12-07T10:07:49.210-06:002009-12-07T10:07:49.210-06:00Svasti, I agree that many of my mother's motiv...Svasti, I agree that many of my mother's motives were not unique. You are right, it ultimately comes down to what we do with the feelings. I still wonder what the outcome would be if my mother had ever received good help.Shatteredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-67107798321193509072009-12-07T10:04:08.985-06:002009-12-07T10:04:08.985-06:00Sarah, thank you for visiting my blog and for your...Sarah, thank you for visiting my blog and for your encouragement. I am so sorry that you and your sister had a similar experience.Shatteredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-27744414845661418122009-12-07T10:02:43.402-06:002009-12-07T10:02:43.402-06:00ER, it really is a nice perfume. :) I don't t...ER, it really is a nice perfume. :) I don't think I could ever wear it myself but I still enjoy smelling it on other people.Shatteredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-28543782377798870362009-12-07T10:01:29.434-06:002009-12-07T10:01:29.434-06:00Ruth, I was definitely a creative kid... :) Harve...Ruth, I was definitely a creative kid... :) Harvesting anything good from my mother is hard but I am continuing to work on it, not for her memory, but rather for my own sense of memory.Shatteredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-25373379252656947952009-12-07T09:59:40.278-06:002009-12-07T09:59:40.278-06:00Jennifer, self-hatred sure does run deep doesn'...Jennifer, self-hatred sure does run deep doesn't it? Being a mother myself now, with a great deal of self-hatred baggage of my own, I can see a glimpse of where my mother was coming from. It's a choice I have to make every day, sometimes more than once, to parent out of love instead of self-hate. The last thing in the world I want to do is pass this hate along to my daughter.Shatteredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-41743850513037393172009-12-07T09:56:38.016-06:002009-12-07T09:56:38.016-06:00Deborah, again I am so sorry about your mom. I am...Deborah, again I am so sorry about your mom. I am glad that you and your brother have good memories of her to share.Shatteredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-70167731356316417902009-12-07T09:55:09.374-06:002009-12-07T09:55:09.374-06:00Andrea, I am so glad you have found another source...Andrea, I am so glad you have found another source for your self-worth. :) I am working on that too...Shatteredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03522971021773946033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-4187059902847069862009-12-06T23:53:17.745-06:002009-12-06T23:53:17.745-06:00Ah... complex relationships with our parents are e...Ah... complex relationships with our parents are everywhere. They take so many forms. It is astonishing when I consider my own feelings (or lack thereof) about my mother. And how I hold her much more responsible for my childhood horrors than my father. I don't have warm feelings about either of my parents.<br /><br />I agree, that our parents most often pass on self-hatred and the neediness that they couldn't get fulfilled themselves. I think that part is common. What's less common is what our parents do with that. Not everyone turns a blind eye to their child being abused. Not everyone tells their child they wish they'd died. <br /><br />But I believe the motives, the things that made your mother say those things are the same as many other people's.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-28551615630334731912009-12-06T20:33:47.340-06:002009-12-06T20:33:47.340-06:00I've felt that way too about my mother - she c...I've felt that way too about my mother - she constantly bullied me and never hugged myself or my sister - I thought she really hated me but you said it well, she was damaged way before we ever came along. I want to tell you - you aren't what you're mother implied, and I'm glad you were born....SarahNikki (Sarah)https://www.blogger.com/profile/13731200601840020130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-55388976455465054432009-12-06T16:23:20.715-06:002009-12-06T16:23:20.715-06:00My Mother also wore Chanel No.5 I have recently ta...My Mother also wore Chanel No.5 I have recently taken to wearing it myself.English Riderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01712384532126551307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-58308132800227648742009-12-06T05:13:42.208-06:002009-12-06T05:13:42.208-06:00It is utterly extraordinary to me what your child-...It is utterly extraordinary to me what your child-heart managed to harvest from your mother, and her coldness and cruelty.<br /><br />I'll never put on Chanel No. 5 again without thinking of giving you a hug.Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14204074161539605133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-22689824008086932692009-12-05T22:50:51.021-06:002009-12-05T22:50:51.021-06:00I think a lot of what people like your mother pass...I think a lot of what people like your mother pass on is self-hatred. Not that this helps, or fully explains, and it's not a subtle explanation. It doesn't necessarily ease the pain. But it sometimes can remove the sting of things a tiny bit. Because what she did and said to you feels so personal, it *was* so personal, but ultimately had nothing to do with who you were, an innocent and intrinsically good child.<br /><br />I also love what Deborah says about the fact that you found a way to give yourself something your mother could not. It *is* extraordinary.jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07959874504681715396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-20415253214987043692009-12-05T18:18:07.394-06:002009-12-05T18:18:07.394-06:00You are eloquent and very self-wise as always, Jen...You are eloquent and very self-wise as always, Jennifer. I find it extraordinary that, as a child, you found a way to give yourself something your mother could not. <br /><br />Today was the memorial service for my mother and as I listened to my brother speak of her, my thoughts went to you, who never knew what we did. I'm so sorry. If I could, I would give you a real hug.Deborahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10892637441668897411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4123476681787448500.post-87403887344210300192009-12-05T16:47:38.599-06:002009-12-05T16:47:38.599-06:00"I am someone's daughter and that is deva..."I am someone's daughter and that is devastating"...boy do I get this....my parents at ages 15 and 19 were married and gave birth to me. They had to get married and they always resented me for it. It is a tough burden to carry. Thankfully, our Heavenly Father has taught me much about love over the years and I have come to realize, HE is all I need to feel happy and secure. My self worth comes from HIM and not my earthly parents.<br />Blessings and prayers, andrea<br /><br />PS: You have an award on arise 2 writeAndreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03082891172963869545noreply@blogger.com