Wednesday, July 22, 2009


So, I started a new job last month and I actually made a friend in my office. That may not seem like much of a feat but for me it is because I have a distinct lack of friends in my life. This new friend left work suddenly the other day. About an hour later, she calls me and she is sobbing. The short story is that her mom tried to kill herself. My friend was following the ambulance to the hospital when she called me.

She doesn't know me that well or my background. Why she called me, I'm not sure. What I do know is that I'm probably the most ill-equipped person to talk someone else through a situation like this.

Her mom is fine now and is mad as hell at my friend. I've been in her shoes as the daughter of an angry, suicidal mother and it hurts to watch her go through this. It hurts almost too much to be considered a supportive friend. I have since told her that I have been through situations similar to what she is going through and I honestly thought that would be the end of my help for her in this ordeal.

But it didn't stop there and now I'm walking through this with a friend I hardly know, albeit I'm getting to know her better, and my own feelings are so strong that my chest hurts. I haven't been able to actually sort out the exact words for these feelings; all I can say is that suicide is an awful solution to any problem. It doesn't just hurt the person who is making the attempt...

Almost selfishly, this events of this week have pulled a few of my own scabs off. I want to tell my friend exactly what I think about her mother's actions but I know that would not be helpful or healthy. But as I type this I'm surprised by my anger towards my friend's mother and I wonder why I can't seem to be angry about my own situation.