Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thankful

Four years, 18 days ago my sister shot and killed herself. 

Four years, 22 days ago my mother overdosed. 

Four years ago I stopped sleeping with my father stopped raping me.

Nearly four years ago my father fled and I haven't seen him since.

Four years ago my daughter was almost two and I barely knew how to be a mother.

Four years ago today I met my my husband.

What an amazing four years these past four have been.  I have gone from being virtually alone to now where I have a family; a small one but still a family in every way.

As I am writing this, I am looking out our study window and I can see my daughter riding her bike with friends and my husband hanging Christmas lights, something he has been doing since this past Sunday.  Yes, he is that guy.  If you had told me four years ago that this is where I would be today, I would have probably told you to fuck off and I definitely would have laughed at you.

Four years ago was pretty much my rock bottom.  Just when I thought that things couldn't get any worse; they got better.  Quite literally as I lost my family, I met my husband.  The most toxic people in my life were gone and I met one of the healthiest people that I know.  Looking back, that was no coincidence because had I still been surrounded by my family, there is no way I would have ever allowed my husband into my world.

I have much, very much, to be thankful for.  My husband is perfect for me.  My daughter is thriving.  It's a risky thought but it is very possible that I am thriving too.  Things aren't perfect and yes, I still struggle but things are so much better than four years ago.  I have a family to love and I have a family that loves me.  I have a home, not just a house, and we are raising our daughter with the example I always dreamed of for myself. 

My daughter made this toilet paper wedding cake today for no particular reason and it struck me as funny that she knew what a married couple looks like.  Had I made that cake when I was her age, God knows how I would have depicted a married couple; perhaps with punches being thrown and broken glass topping the cake.  It made me smile to see her model a healthy family.  Something... lots of things... are finally going right. 

We are indeed a healthy family and I am immensely thankful for that.

P.S.  I love how creative my daughter is; she came up with this all by herself!

20 comments:

English Rider said...

Fantastic post. There is a lot of Thanksgiving in the air. Well done to your daughter too, for her work of art.

Jennifer said...

Wow. So much has happened in four years. Four years! It's no time at all. I am so happy for you! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Shattered said...

ER, there certainly is a lot of Thanksgiving in the air. I am actually beginning to like this time of year. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Shattered said...

Jennifer, it is amazing what can happen in a short time isn't it? My husband put it so wonderfully last night when he said that yesterday was our New Year's eve. Yesterday marked the anniversayr of beginning of a new time in both of our lives and this time of year is when we both seem to take an inventory to see how far we have come together.

Thank you for reading and Happy Thanksgiving to you!

svasti said...

Indeed, a HUGE four years. And it seems like the fates have taken care of you nicely. One family removed, another to take it's place. I'm so very pleased for you. Here's hoping the next four years double your happiness. :)

Deborah said...

I think my first comment got lost somewhere....just wanted to say that it's remarkable how far you have come in four years, and that life, if not God, works in mysterious ways. You deserve every moment of your happiness.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family and tell your daughter that I think she's a good artist!

Friko said...

Only four years ago! It is amazing that you have come as far as you have in so short a space of time. Just think where you will be in another four years.

My very best wishes to you and your family; the love you have now will be your salvation.

Will said...

this is such a hopeful post... looking at where you've come from to where you've ended up is truly remarkable - and just think, your journey is still not over: there are so many morw wonderful things to come in your marriage and with your daughter...

Sashindoubutsu said...

A lot happened in four years, but after the rain, there was a beautiful rainbow.

Your daughter is indeed very creative!^^

Shattered said...

Svasti, it sure has been a huge four years. Thank you for your well wishes!

Shattered said...

Deborah, life certainly does have mysterious ways sometimes. Looking back, it is pretty cool how far I have come. Honestly, it doesn't feel like it most of the time but it is nice when I can look back and see it.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Shattered said...

Friko, in another four years... I haven't even thought that far ahead but I do hope that I have gained more wisdom by then. :) Thank you for your well wishes; I am indeed blessed by my family.

Shattered said...

Will, I am glad I was able to convey hope through this post. It continues to give me hope when I read it. It seems strange to think of this journey as not being over; I have never been able to really look forward to anything. I am usually just looking back and being thankful, or suprised, that I survived. Thank you for your encouragement.

Shattered said...

Sashindoubutsu, my daughter is definitely a rainbow in my life! She is very creative; sometimes too much as her bedroom walls will attest to. :)

Sree Louisor said...

Thank you first and foremost for your post, you have no idea what an inspiration and light of hope it was for me to read today! Your writing skills are so eloquent, raw, beautiful!!! I can't thank you enough for sharing your story of healing!!

Ruth said...

Her cake is wondrous. They are dancing, looking at each other, unlike most bride-groom cake toppers where they are standing side by side.

Shattered said...

They are dancing, aren't they?! I hadn't noticed that before. I love watching the world through a child's eyes... :)

Marathe said...

ER, there certainly is a lot of Thanksgiving in the air. I am actually beginning to like this time of year. :) Happy Thanksgiving!

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